leave me

exceptions made once gave me brighter eyes,
but now they keep me safe from a pallid light.
this light once kept me warm: the moon at night...
but now, the cold: the darkened, peaceful skies

i can only guess what you want from me
tonight, so like that first request...
now as then, your words are misleading me,
so tonight, i choose to fail your test.

~ ~ ~

so bold of you, to take a seat so close
and i, for once revealed, still try to hide
but take your shot; perhaps we’ll meet again...
...or maybe that’s a road already tried.

see how the past repeats itself?
where first you gave a second glance,
now shy, yet brave, you give another...
unearthing corpses, asking them to dance.

so unlike you, to use this time to chat,
and i, for once, respond... with empty tone.
but nonetheless, ask all that’s on your mind:
a test to see if i have truly grown.

see how the past repeats itself?
where first i tried to flee from you,
you’ll try again; i’ll run awhile,
completing patterns, making old the new.

so this is you, remembering the times
and i, caught by surprise, must acquiesce
but reminiscing spoils my control,
so leave me to enjoy my loneliness.

see how the past repeats itself?
where first the white flag fluttered high,
now, i can’t offer half my kingdom...
now, i can’t see where i have come from...

now that i’ve finally found my freedom,
for once, i’m afraid to die.

sleeping forever

oblivion, claim me, and don't ever wake me; my
dreaming's more real than the world where i'm from. friends,
write me from time to time-- you'll never find me. you
probly won't recognize what i've become:

sleeping forever, untouched by whatever may
open my eyes to the bright light of life
sleeping forever, so lost in a dream, never
greeting the dawn again; please, i have never been
happier than when i'm sleeping again

something's been teasing my mind, something playful, a
sound like a game i would rather not play. some-
one has been calling for me to return, but i
pray i can stay, unaware night and day

keep me forgetful, at home in the void
darker my mind every moment of time
passing me by, all my chances to be me; just
leave me alone to my slumber sublime

sleeping forever; no, never awakening
taking my own life without ever dying. i
know i'm alone while i'm sleeping forever, but
truly, i've not known a better good-bye

diamonds

~ dedicated to Firalyn Tiatra ~

fire, forgive me, my faith is misplaced
truly, your mirror has lied to me
now and again, these treasures erased
yet still so clearly seen, and chased

brother, forgive me, my first love betrayed
i've traded for silver your bright white gold
casting my nets on the other side
my fantasy is bold, untried

friend, won't you give me a handful of tears?
most swallowed in depths too vast for me
some dancing across the quiet clear
but soon as they're touched- all disappear

my open door

though days and miles and experience
divide the once-united,
soon death will see the end of this...
for death is truly dead.
although here-after often calls,
my living room still has no walls.

in frantic hope i twice have dreamt.
lucidly, i speak in rhyme,
and bid my heart hope not at all,
for fear of cheating time.
it's not forgetfulness that heals,
but selfishness in me yet kneels.

of all the hopes i have for you:
if heaven is the brightest,
then life is just a fading mist...
then life is just a test.
but i believe in Life before
the coming here-after's open door.

your ghostly form now passes to me.
i swear on my life, it will not return.
let fade the mist of harsh memory:
the moon and the stars, and lessons i've learned.